Oh, look who starts kicking now?! yes.. you :)
Hi my little bump that is not so little anymore, how are you these days? happy? furious? is that why you keep kicking, because I made you eat all of those veggies? hha. I want you to grow well, sweetheart. And I don’t mind those kicking, punching, and belly surfing that you did. It is like a sign you are so alive inside there, but still don’t do it too often please.. I’m worried you might feel uncomfortable or I have fed you something bad if you move too much. So.. 18 weeks they said, it’s amazing how we got so far, don’t you think so? we are almost half way there :)
I am on the job hunt recently, try to find job that can support us both and that is suitable for you. To be honest, I really want to come back to Bali. You will love the beach and the sun there. Imagine I play with you in the sand on a sunset, perfecto :) Anyway, if I got it in Surabaya that is also fine. You will be closer to our family, you will have chance to know your grannies better. I plan to tell them about you after I get the job.
Sometimes I feel so worried I might not be able to provide you a good life. And that you will hate me cause I bring you to the world this way.. You will hate me because you are not like other kids who have complete parents.. You know, I also ever questioned God why it has to be this way. And He assured me that’s because I’m not like the others, so are you. We are those extraordinary people, Sweetie. They said only the strong warriors that go to the battle. We are on the battle now, to defeat our own negativity. You have to know that you have so many people who love you already even though you are not born yet.
Firstly is Auntie Ernisa,
she is my best old friend, we’ve been bestie since I was in junior school which is ten years ago. She is the first person I told about you as she is the one who can understand me, even better than your grannies. She likes to cook and make sweets. She said she will spoil you with cakes, cookies, and ice cream. See, you’re gonna love her too :)
Next is Auntie Ula,
a very good friend from Poland. She just have a baby boy named Adam, your future friends :) She is the one who showed me how amazing it is to be a Mom and I’m glad I listened to her. Oh, Auntie Ula also can make really yummy pancakes, let’s wish she will be back to Bali soon!:)
There is also Auntie Nadine,
the ‘imut’ great friend who always support me. She said you will be amazing kid. Well, I believe so, you are already amazing the way you are, Sweetie :) Auntie Nadine also a great baker, so if we can move to Bali you will be stuffed with yummy cake!hha. She is a very nice girl with a very kind heart, I hope you will learn from her too.
They all love you sincerely, Sweetheart. When you are born you will meet them, your fairy Godmothers :) yes, you might not have Dad, but you have many mothers! You are blessed as I am. God won’t let us go through this battle alone. He always have way to help us. So don’t you worry, heaven have sweet plan for you my love..
I will ‘raise’ you so high, like a skyscraper that no one will ever look down on us. I have dreams I want to pursue, and I will achieve it with you. You are my best motivator! When you grow up my sweetie, and you have a dream, do not let anything or anyone keep you away from it. Never compromise for your dream. When you grow up, tell me your biggest dream and I will always be there to help you make it comes true. And if you made mistake, no matter how bad it is, please don’t be afraid to tell me.. I will always be on your side to hold your hand through any situation.That’s what a Mother for :)
Love you as always,
Surabaya September 5, 2013